After all these years of always being somebody’s girlfriend, I am glad that I am now much more my own person. Don’t get me wrong – this is not about sweet release from the fetters of a relationship neither is it about bitterness and anger. All this while, I have always been sharing my life with someone. And when the relationship ends, my world falls apart because the sharing ceases. However, in the past few weeks or so, I have come to realise that the end of a relationship doesn’t necessarily have to mark the end of my life. Yes yes, it has taken me awhile.
I think, for me, being in a relationship allows me to articulate whatever crazy thoughts or hare-brained ideas I have. There has always been someone in my life to listen to those thoughts. And when the person leaves, there is always an emptiness that ensues. Not being in a relationship has forced me to cope with my own thoughts no matter how mad or insane. It’s not that I become an invertebrate* in a relationship. I could always do things on my own – eating, shopping, going to the gym or whatever hobby I am interested in. However, when you’re in a relationship, no matter what you do on your own, there’s always the knowledge (and security) that there will be someone waiting for you.
I am not sure if I had an epiphany or any transcendental experience of any sort but I think I am slowly (yes, I am quantifying the speed of my thought process) beginning to see that I can be all right on my own, that I don’t need someone to listen to my crazy thoughts and hare-brained ideas because they are mine and I should be able to deal with them on my own.
After the gym today, I found a nice sunny spot at a coffee joint and read a children’s storybook that I had picked up from the school library – Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson. Embarrassingly enough, it made me cry because it has a sad ending. But it was all good because I know that I can do things on my own – like crying at coffee joints.
*An invertebrate refers to an animal without a backbone. Mollusks and crustaceans fall into this category.
Most mollusks have a soft, skin-like organ covered with a hard outside shell. Some mollusks live on land, such as the snail and slug. Other mollusks live in water, such as the oyster, mussel, clam, squid and octopus.
Crustaceans have a hard, external shell which protects their body. Crustaceans have a head and abdomen. The head has antennae which are part of their sensory system. The abdomen includes the heart, digestive system and reproductive system. The abdomen also has appendages, such as legs, for crawling and swimming. Prawns, crabs and lobsters are crustaceans.
The best friend and I refuse to eat most mollusks and crustaceans simply because they look gross. I remember our conversations at Chinese restaurants going something like:
Me: Eee, look at that crustacean (i.e. the prawn)…
BF: Yah, it’s damn gross. All the little legs moving so quickly…
Me: Look at its mandibles.
Both: Eee…
We are alibaba though – we eat crab and lobster. Right? But no lala, choot-choot, gong-gong and such at Newton Circus for us… No cockles…
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